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March 27, 2020 at 9:31 am

When I’m at home, I get accused of things that my children actually did, like leaving a wet towel on the bathroom floor or eating the last of something that my wife wanted. My wife will say I did it, I will say I didn’t, she’ll say I’m lying, and I always point out: “Why would I lie about this? I would not be ashamed if I did this. I have zero reason to lie about this.”
Here on Quora, I sometimes get accused of being a Russian troll/RNC plant, or just a plain liar. No one is paying me to write the things I do (but, hey… not too late to start, if anyone reading this can make that happen), and I only lie about the names of people in the stories I tell.

March 27, 2020 at 10:41 am

I’ve never actually answered a question on Quora before- so here goes…
In my previous relationship, aka my first experience of love, I was accused of lying as a means of manipulation.
If you were to meet my ex, you’d probably think the same about him as everyone else: intelligent, sociable, funny- likeable, basically. He’s an almost archetypal “nice guy”. I always envied his ability to fit in anywhere and make loads of friends. Everyone, LITERALLY EVERYONE, seemed to absolutely adore him.
So when I called my best friend whilst sobbing and told her about our break-up (another story) and unloaded years of emotional baggage onto her, 95% of which I’d never said aloud or even to myself, she was completely shocked.
I told her everything, and as I told her, pieces began falling together.
Often in the relationship, my ex and I would make a promise- be it to do something, go somewhere, or he would promise to do something. A few days, a few weeks later, the day would arrive, or something would occur and I would say
“I thought we discussed X”
Him: “What? That never happened. I never said that.”
Me: “We definitely did! I remember because…”
Him: We have never had that conversation. You’re making it up to get your own way.”
He only accused me of lying to manipulate him a couple of times. Other times, he would claim that I was mis-remembering, or that I had dreamt it up.
This was just one of the things I told my friend about as I sobbed to her on the phone. Many other things- cheating, things he’d say that simply didn’t add up, money he would deny having borrowed from me, etc.
“I just don’t even feel like a person anymore.” I told her, crying my eyes out.
It was true. I didn’t feel like a person. I felt like I was unhinged.
I felt like I was going insane.
I genuinely believed that I was completely stupid, that I had a low IQ and that I just wasn’t built the same as other people.
And why?
Because this had gone on for years.
“I don’t know how much of this is real.” I told her. It was true, I truly didn’t. I still don’t. So many times I’ve gone over my memories, over whatsapp conversations.
Was I the liar? I ask myself. Surely I must have done something- surely I fucked up somehow to ruin the relationship. Surely its my fault. It has to be.
That’s the most difficult thing. When you’re used to everything, EVERYTHING being twisted into being your fault, when you’re used to everything you say being questioned or argued with, when you’re used to feeling like a dumb little girl who “needs to grow a thicker skin”… it becomes so hard to wrap your head around the fact that it might not be your fault.
When my best friend spoke again, after giving me time to unload everything onto her, she sounded absolutely horrified.
“Kristen…Have you heard of gaslighting?”
I will include a definition here for what that is so that someone reading this who doesn’t know might feel a bit more understood:
Gaslighting: manipulate (someone) by psychological means into doubting their own sanity.
I didn’t know what the term meant. I had no idea what it meant. Or that it’s so much more common than I’d ever have imagined.
It took me a while to accept that this is what had happened. Still I can’t believe someone I thought I knew could do this. Now, of course, I realise I never knew him. I digress…
I won’t go into everything- but its been months since our breakup.
I question reality every day. We have so many mutual friends. I can’t tell them. They wouldn’t believe me if I did. Everyone thinks he’s ace and we were so private when we were together. They’d believe him over me.
At the beginning of our relationship I was a straight-A student.
By the end I was failing/scraping by, and genuinely believed that I was unintelligent. I suffered from (diagnosed) depression, and had regular anxiety attacks.
But…
I’m on the road to making a better life for myself. I have a 3 year plan and hope, by the end of it, to be accepted on to study Medicine- a dream I gave up years ago as I believed I wasn’t smart enough. Or, more simply, that I wasn’t good enough.
I still have difficulty accepting the fact that I wasn’t a liar. That I wasn’t manipulative. That I wasn’t, am not, nor have ever been, a bad person.
As for relationships… I don’t think I’ll be able to trust anybody for a long time. But I’m okay with that. I’m retaking exams, working on my dream, and I have the best fucking friends in the entire world.
They regret not getting me out of the relationship sooner. I try not talking about it too often but they’re there when I need them, as I am for them. They were so shocked at first when I revealed the ins and outs of the relationship, but at the same time they’d seen the change in me over the years.
I’m just thankful that I’m starting to feel like a valid and important human being again. It’s so freeing.
As for feeling like myself… I’m sure it’ll come soon.
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.
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Please. Don’t be blind. If you feel, even for a moment, that your partner isn’t telling the truth, talk to a friend about it, or seek out an online chatroom. I wish I had. It would have saved me many years of pain and self-hatred. But I cannot dwell on those lost years. I have to move forwards.

March 27, 2020 at 12:10 pm

Yes of course, and I was beaten badly after that.
It happened in my 9th class. I have remembered that it was the last period before the lunch break. Because the teacher was on leave that day, I and my friends were enjoying and passing comment on one another.
One of us was the nephew of our Principal sir. And he was one of those guys who always ready to take advantage of his relation.
Everything was going normally till one of us comment on his head which was very normal for everyone. But he reacted as if he gets molested.
Without seeing who commented on him he went straight to his uncle (principal) and made an accusation on me that I tried to harass him. I had no idea till sir called me in the office. I thought he will ask me who was the main culprit. But whatever had happened after that was completely unimaginable.
Principal sir without asking me whether I did do anything, said how I could do this to him. I was still confused about what was happening. But somehow I gathered some strength and said that I didn’t say anything to him, you can ask the class.
They didn’t listen to anything and started beating me. In such conditions, they would have been quite merciless. I kept saying that I didn’t do anything but he kept beating me.
They did not even try to listen to me. I can’t tell you how badly I cried that day. But thankfully, our math teacher came there and saved me from them.
They told me to go to class and I went to crying. I didn’t even have lunch on that day.I hated both of them that day
That was the worst day of my schooling and that was the last time when I was beaten by a teacher.
Thanks.