Forgive. Forgiveness cures anger. If you are angry – forgive.
Outlets for anger are a band-aid approach. Outlets like venting, yelling, exercise, punching bags are not a cure. That is anger management. Outlets are temporary patches that may or may not lead to forgiveness which cures our anger. An outlet can easily lead to just more anger (not always but sometimes). An outlet can even perpetuate anger, encourage it to grow.
Anger management is just a bandage – probably a better bandage than outlets. Counting to ten, going for a walk, take a deep breath, laughing, listening to music, or changing the topic may frustrate us because we have not dealt with our anger. Or it may help. These things are actually wonderful in softening us up to be able to forgive. This is responsible anger management. They lead us into forgiveness. Forgiveness is the only thing that cures anger. Cures, as in, you were already angry. Cure can only happen after you are angry. Forgiveness does not prevent what caused you to be angry to begin with. Anger prevention is a whole different skill set involving respect, establishing respect, and communication skills.
What you are really asking for is how do I completely resolve my anger, as in be completely free from it? With an underlying hidden question of, “How do I completely resolve what is causing me to be angry so I do not get angry to begin with?” Preventing anger is a much more complex answer.
Of course an outlet can release a lot of frustration and lessen the anger but what is actually happening when we do that? Anger management not curing anger. There is a much better, easier, faster, much less work way to instantly and completely resolve our anger. Then we can go do those other contact sports and really enjoy them. You do not control anger. (The cure is below.) Attempting to control anger (or most emotion) is a recipe for disaster. Control is something we use in logic or with objects (like this computer). Emotion follows very different rules. But, again, don’t confuse there being rules to emotion that those rules makes sense or are logical – sometimes they are, sometimes not. Just do what works instead. Anger management is a better term but it still lacks a complete resolution of our anger.
There is a cure for anger – a complete resolution. It works instantly, every single time, if you do it. Here is how to cure your anger in less than two seconds. Forgiveness. Forgiveness cures your anger. That is it. 100%. Works every single time. Just do that.
BUT it will not stop your parents, family, siblings, friends, boss, coworkers, neighbors, politicians, Hollywood, skin heads, Koreans (probably just one North Korean, ha!), the weather, mountains, air quality, global warming, grass growing wrong, mail not being delivered on time, and so (sorry about that, wanted to exaggerate to make a point to be completely inclusive of ANYTHING that might make anybody angry) you will get angry again. Forgiveness will not stop them from getting you angry again. Forgiveness does NOT prevent anger. That is done through learning and mastering mature communication skills to get your needs met. So be sure to do that too.
Forgiveness will not stop them from getting to you again! That is a whole other skill there. Communicate to them that this needs to stop and why it needs to stop. Establish boundaries. Command respect. When you do it – be nice about it. Be overly nice about it and persistent. Learning to assert your needs takes time and practice.
Learn to forgive as soon as you get angry. Then your anger is gone. After all, holy crap, getting pissed off so much is a lot of work. Sure – you get the instant gratification of violence but at what cost? Does not seem worth it to me. I much prefer getting my real needs met in healthy ways. That way I get much better results and a more enjoyable life. You can’t over forgive.
We often hear that we should calm down and let it go as a cure for anger. This is not a cure. It is what you get after you do the cure (forgiveness). Calming down does not cure anger – calming down is what you get after you forgive. “Calm down” – is back to the old anger management. Do you want to manage your anger or cure it?
It is good that you don’t like what this expression of anger is doing to you. It is usually not a healthy way to express anger. It is escalating to get attention, be validated, establish boundaries, and have respect. Side note – a temporary form of releasing anger that is better than hitting walls (but not anywhere near just forgiving) is to take up a low contact sport such as tennis, racquetball, golf, or bowling. This is anger management. You are managing your anger because you are not ready to forgive yet. I DO NOT recommend football, basketball, soccer or any other sport that will have physical contact for you under these conditions (certainly fun for learning teamwork and stuff) for obvious reasons. Those sports will just perpetuate your anger. Those people playing those sports are actually doing it for very different, valid reasons. You will probably not be able to do it like them. Tennis, for example, is acceptable in our society because you get to release some anger by hitting the ball as hard as you can. Whoops, take golf off the list. That will probably only make you angrier, ha! But it is nowhere near what forgiveness will do. If you are not ready or able to forgive go play some tennis until you are too tired to be angry anymore. Then forgive. Did I say forgiveness cures anger yet?
Remember – forgiveness is not trust. Forgiving people does not mean you have to accept their behavior. Often people confuse these two things. Forgiving someone does not mean you have to trust them. They will probably just keep doing what they do that makes you angry until you set boundaries with them. So forgiveness does not automatically create boundaries either.
We forgive to get them out of our heads. We forgive to be free from the negative influence of them. People put so many things on forgiveness that do not work. Do not do that, just forgive.
(I know I keep posting basically the same thing – just in case each poster is taking the time to read someone else’s thread. I also add some personalization to each one – except this one. Hope that makes up for it.)
Forgiveness will help you lose your pent up anger but it will not stop it from continuing to build up quickly as it seems like yours does. First thing is don’t spend too much time trying to forgive the hardest people in your life (whoever has offended you the most: parents, siblings, predators – they all go last). You must start small because forgiveness is a muscle. It took me a few years to build up to the most difficult people in my life. Start small. Real small. So small you wouldn’t even think it would matter. And start with someone you actually like. Maybe they borrowed a pencil and didn’t give it back? Or whatever. This way, by starting small, you will actually have a chance at successfully doing it. Starting big usually has a high rate of failure but maybe you are the exception.
tl;dr And remember, you actually have to forgive. No pretending or half measures here. Completely forgive because forgiveness cures anger. Anger management has a different place.
Just google me for more. That’s easiest.
Today I almost had to burst out in anger and kick a guy’s a**.
But fortunately I did something else which made my day feel special.
I was taking a power nap in the 15 mins break at my university. Some fellow members were having fun pouring water on eachother. Some water droplets fell on me first time, every guys attention turned on me cuz I used to hurt anyone who disturbs me. But I saw them and thought they’re having a good time why to bother them.
For the second time a lot of water fell on my back as I was lying on the bench and sleeping.
Again, the whole call looked at me.
I stood up walked straight to the guy and told him let this be the last time.
Then I sat down and started to think what would have happened if I hurted the guy? What would have happened if I slapped that guy? Or else what would have happened if I pour a bottle full of water on him?
I’m damn sure that those guys don’t have the guts to face my anger. Whatever I might have done may do nothing but get me as well as to the principal’s room.
Conclusion of this anecdote is:
Sit idle . Think what could be the best solution for the scenario. Give time for your brain to process to situation. Think twice whether anger would be the solution.
Create multiple questions before acting. And wait patiently for the questions to work wonders.
An need reaction will always be miserable. Whatever the situation think before you act
“-cuz once it’s done, it cannot be un done.”
Anger is a completely normal, usually healthy, human emotion. But when it gets out of control and turns destructive, it can lead to problems—problems at work, in your personal relationships, and in the overall quality of your life. And it can make you feel as though you’re at the mercy of an unpredictable and powerful emotion.
But nothing to worry about it, if it is taken care of at the right time. It is not a involuntary muscle movement which you can’t control. It is one of the various emotions which make us human and you can easily control it. Here, I am suggesting some ways which I have found useful to implement or came to know from others.
Breathe deeply, from your diaphragm; breathing from your chest won’t relax you. Picture your breath coming up from your “gut.”
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